There are many legitimate deaths to mourn here in the twilight of 2016 — reason, civility, the future of the Republic — but I felt none so sharply this week as the snuffing of my last hope for delight in the White House over the next four years. After everything women and those without a Pepe-infused sense of humor have lost, now we won’t even get the glorious spectacle of a full-time FLOTUS with the Mostess ruling the East Wing with a pavé crystal fist.
America is ready for a change, we have been told, and so we are installing a spiritually bankrupt reality TV producer in the Oval Office, along with his Cabinet of Horrors. A Donald Trump presidency does not promise much on the shits-and-giggles front, but the infinite comedic possibilities of Melania Trump in official first lady duties? That has kept me going since November 9.
First we heard that Melania and young master Barron would return to the gilded tower after the inauguration. Still, it’s a reasonable commute. But this week we learned Donald’s eldest daughter Ivanka would be taking a leave of absence from the Trump Organization — leaving the other two McPoyles in charge of the family coffers — in what the New York Times calls “the surest sign” that Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner are going to move to D.C. and become the bland ceremonial faces of the Trump administration.